so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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