then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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