nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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