...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
