dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
