I just saw a hot homeless man
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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