Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
