Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
