he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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