Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to jail i love you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
