Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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