it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
