I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
