dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize