she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
