Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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