so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
