In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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