God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
