Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
