Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
