My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize