he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
