So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
