I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
