i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
