You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
