I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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