I cannot find my penis.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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