how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
