oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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