i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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