do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
