hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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