Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
