Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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