he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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