They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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