i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
