Having a random hookup so left but love u
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
