check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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