Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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