Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
