508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize