took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
