Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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