The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's blow job season.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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