did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
