We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
