He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
