her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize