Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
