Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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