i don't like sucking hair
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
