And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
