Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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