Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize