On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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