My first STD was from a foam party
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
