He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
