if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found puke in my bra..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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