i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
