I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
