tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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